29 May 2007

Honey, I've got something to tell you

My Yahoo! Homepage loves to throw "news" articles at me about 1) Work Issues and 2) Relationship Issues. "How to Ask for That Raise." "Five Tips on Meeting the In-Laws." Etc. Easy to ignore, still annoying to have flash up on my screen as if it has the wait of the mess in the Middle East. But occasionally one catches my interest, but inevitably the article doesn't live up to my imaginative perspective on what it could contain.

Most recent case: A Yahoo! Health article provided through Men's Health titled "Secrets You Better Tell Your Partner." According to the link from my homepage, it promises to list four secrets. I gleefully anticipated one secret in particular. But here are the four I found:

1. I have issues
2. Someone else is romantically pursuing me
3. I like that [guess what that might be]
4. I need more

Excuse me, but where is the ultimate secret, the one that drives most film noir and great mystery and suspense novels?

5. Honey, I've murdered somebody

Come on, Men's Health! Where's your damn imagination? Don't you watch movies? Is Cornell Woolrich's career all for nought? (Just read his stories "Red Tide" and "Goodbye, New York" and you'll see what I mean.) Stop with "issues" and "honesty and bed" fluffery and get down to the nitty gritty that your readers really need.