07 December 2007

New Petitions Against Tax! Building Code under Fire!

Check out those shocking headlines above. Now is the time to take action:

NEW PETITIONS AGAINST TAX
BUILDING CODE UNDER FIRE

Do those headlines sound either 1) vaguely familiar or 2) just plain vague?

That’s because these are the regular newspaper headlines used as generic “filler” in movies. When a newspaper’s front page smashes onto the screen (or spins, that old-fashioned effect) to provide a transition or to fill in crucial information in an attention grabbing double-sized headline, such as SPACE MONSTERS AGREE TO PEACE NEGOTIATIONS or NORVELL LUDSTER GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS, take a quick look at the smaller headlines for the other columns, the ones you’re not supposed to be reading.

I’m annoying. I always try to read the other headlines. And if I’m watching on DVD, I always hit ‘pause’ and use the zoom feature to try to read them. Forget the big picture; with this kind of technology, it’s all about the details.

As the greatest TV show in history, Mystery Science Theater 3000, has taught us, the two most common headlines are NEW PETITIONS AGAINST TAX and BUILDING CODE UNDER FIRE. You can see for yourself on this wikia page.

Newspaper insets aren’t as common in films as they used to be, and the two old standbys no longer have the same exposure. Such a shame. Perhaps people are no longer petitioning the tax and the building code is fine now.

However, here are close-ups of prop0sed articles for when these two classic headlines make their next cinematic appearances. Filmmakers, if you are in a crunch and need anything thrown down on the mock-up newspaper, feel free to use these (for a fee, of course):
NEW PETITIONS AGAINST TAX
Ryan Harvey, Staff Reporter
The new tax enacted in Springfield regarding outdoor activities has gathered the ire of unnamed citizens, an unverified report announced today. The leader of the petitioners, who declined to be named, said that his group filed their petition today due to unspecified grievances that the tax had caused to unidentified citizens. Calls made to the unidentified citizens' unlisted numbers were unanswered.
BUILDING CODE UNDER FIRE
Ryan Harvey, Staff Reporter
The statutes of the Los Angeles Building Code that prohibit any structure painted fuschia in the downtown district have come under a furious attack by the Paint Manufacturers of Los Angeles. The painters are concerned that the ambigous wording will allow the blocking of any paint color that leans toward purple or light red.
“This means anything considered magenta, lavender, violet, or purple might be prohibited,” said an angry Martin Hovec, president for the Paint Manufacturers’ Union. “I don't see where you draw the line at fuschia. How is the city defining it? It's ridiculous.”
The City of Los Angeles issued the following response: “Why would they want to paint anything fuschia, purple, violent, or lavender in the first place?”
The Society of Prevention of Abuse to Ancient Phonecians (SPAAP) has also lodged a protest. “The ancient Phonencians are legendary for their export of vibrant purple dyes. This is a slap in the face to all of them,” said USC History Major and SPAAP’s sole member, Glenda Gardino.