29 April 2008

Italian Western Titles . . . Pray for Your Death!

Italian Westerns have some of the most bizarre titles ever slapped onto a movie poster. Some don’t make any sense, and many of them overuse ellipses to a criminal extent. It’s unfortunate that the genre has such poor representation on DVD, because these titles make Western fans like myself salivate. Here are some of my favorites:
  • Have a Good Funeral, My Friend... Sartana Will Pay 
  • Patience Has a Limit... We Don’t 
  • God Does Not Pay on Saturday 
  • God Forgives... I Don’t 
  • Don’t Wait Django . . . Shoot! 
  • Kill Them All and Come Back Alone 
  • My Horse, My Gun, Your Widow 
  • I Am Sartana, Your Angel of Death 
  • Today It’s Me, Tomorrow You (seems fair)
  • Heads You Die... Tails I Kill You (not as fair)
  • If You Meet Sartana, Pray for Your Death 
  • Any Gun Can Play 
  • Sartana’s Here, Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin 
  • A Genius, Two Partners and a Dupe 
  • Shoot the Living... Pray for the Dead (which I guess means pray for everybody)
Django and Sartana Are Coming... It’s the EndIt seems that Sartana is one busy boy. Django appears in more films, but Sartana runs a close second—and he got more wacky titles. Many of these apparent sequels movies had no connection to each other, the studio just slapped the name “Sartana” or “Django” onto their hero to cash in on the popularity of the characters. (Some “Django” films don’t even have a character named Django, and the Germans retitled and dubbed any Western starring Franco Nero, star of the original Django, into a “Django” film.)

Here are a few Italian Western titles I made up on the spot:
  • God Forgive Them... For Django Won’t 
  • My Pistol Screams Your Death 
  • No Gun, No Gold, Three Coffins 
  • Duck, Sartana... or the Ellipses Will Kill You! 
  • We Will Re-title This Movie “Django” for a Few Dollars More 
  • No, Spaniards... Do Not Cut the Funding! 
  • Coffins Argue Softly... Bullets Do Not 
  • A Hangman’s Noose for General Arriba 
  • 37 Guns for a Dead Vulture 
  • Kill All the America Idol Contestants and Come Back Alone 
  • The Gringo Grins at Death 
  • Here Is Sartana, Your Budget Undertaker
It’s fun, try making your own!